This is so frustrating. My dear dad departed this earth 19 years and 5 months ago. But this year, any mention of Father’s Day in my emails, social media, ads in the paper, etc. maked me instantly angry and sad that my dad isn’t here to celebrate in the flesh.
Grief knows no bounds. It’s random like trying to untangle jumbled up Christmas tree lights. The steps can occur at any moment in time in all the years after they pass: 1, 10, or 50. I know this because my mom misses her parents, and they passed 50 and 30+ years ago.
It doesn’t help that my dad was awesome. He loved, he lived, he swore, he prayed, he protested, he worked, he read, he wrote, he shared, he educated, he failed, he won, he cared, he voted, he farmed, he gave, he laughed, he cried, he screamed, he smiled, he joked, he valued all life – human and animal alike, he believed in the rights for all people to be in control of their own bodies, he acted to make that possible, he was a rare gem of a human being.
I think it’s all that is going on in the world. Or it could just be because I have choices to make, and no one helped me more than my dad with big decisions. Or it could be because grief is random. Whatever it is, I miss him. Hard. I cannot contain my tears or emotions. They are immediate and potent when they hit.
He set the example for my life, and I try to live up to. I never will, but I still work toward the high bar that he set. Praying he’s having a good Father’s Day in Heaven with his own parents, my sisters Barb and Cheri, and my niece Erin. I love and miss them all. Now to concentrate on loving those still in the world today.