Today’s Lenten act is to share a tool that I used today from my life’s toolbox.
Of course, my mind goes to the box in the garage with wrenches, hammers, files, and wire cutters.
But then I wonder if they mean the toolbox for crafting, such as scissors, tweezers, adhesives, and wire cutters.
Or is it the specific craft of beading, which contains pliers, vises, scoops, and wire cutters.
But then I realized they meant the tools of my mind. Not the wire cutters I so enjoy wielding.
I learned today that one of my beloved pets is dying of kidney failure. There are many treatments available, but most involve poking with needles, prodding with medications, and having her stay at the vet’s office.
I’ve been here before. Many years ago, another cat in my care suffered from kidney failure. She endured three years of treatment, mostly because she was so very young when it reared its ugly head. In the end, I continued forcing her to eat to survive. I was wrong. She suffered, and I feel it was more so due to my need for her to live. I believe in the afterlife, she’s forgiven me. I feel it. I beat myself up with guilt for years, and she’s brought me peace.
This particular kitty is not 5 years old at diagnosis, but she is 15 and a half. She is also not in the early stages of the disease, but extreme and advanced. I refuse to make this kitty endure medical misery nor forced feeding in her end of days. The choice is hers to eat and drink. I will continue to make the offers, but I am not forcing anything when her comfort zone is home with family and friends who love her.
She is in bed with me at night, as usual. She is in the living room with me during the day, as usual. She still uses her litter box like a proper, gentle lady. She is drinking far less and refusing to eat hardly any of the concoctions I provide (most recommended by the vet, some are her favorites).
So long as she is content, she will remain. Once that content is gone, there may be one last trip to the vet.
My tool today is compassion for her and not selfishness for me. Today’s tool is more difficult to use than the wire cutters that are so comfortable and easy to use in my hand.